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| Dan 5/09/2008 09:21:21 IP: 82.35.138.133 |
 Subject: Escom StatementMessage: "Embattled energy provider Eskom says it will need at least six to eight months to construct newer and more convincing lies than the ones it has been using so far. This morning a spokesman asked the South African public to be patient, adding that affirmative action had led to a severe shortage of qualified and experienced corporate liars. Some industry experts first cried foul as long ago as January 2006 when massive outages around the country were blamed on birds defecating on powerlines. However their accusations - that Eskom was employing substandard liars - were largely ignored. But after two years and countless blackouts the power utility has been forced to admit that its lies have become "increasingly transparent." "The old 'loose bolt in the generator' was probably the best of a bad bunch," spokesman Eddie Motsepe told journalists in Megawatt Park this morning. He said that subsequent lies, including fictions about stopping power exports to neighbouring countries, wet coal supplies and why executive bonuses have been deserved, were often "last-minute, late-night efforts" cobbled together at senior management level after young and inexperienced liars had failed to supply the necessary fabrications on time. "For example, during January's load-shedding, we asked our team to provide us with three plausible lies explaining the blackouts. "What we got was: 'It was Apartheid what did it', 'My dog ate my substation', and 'My granny died and so everyone at Eskom had to go home to the Ciskei for the funeral'. "Clearly these were not up to industry standard." Motsepe said that affirmative action and employment equity had been a "major challenge". "Those guys who learned to lie under the Nationalist regime, those guys were superb," he said. "But we are looking forward, and we believe that with the right guidance, and the country's current atmosphere of corporate denial, unfettered greed and zero accountability, we can get new capacity on stream very soon." Senior management was not available for comment as its granny had died and it had been forced to go home to the Ciskei for the funeral. Disclaimer: The writer of this e-mail message accepts no responsibility for the actions of Schabir Shaik, Jacob Zuma, SA Rugby Administrators, Michael Jackson, Manto Tshabalala-Msimang, Marthinus van Schalkwyk, Elizabeth Taylor-Hilton-Wilding-Todd-Fisher-Burton-Warner-Fortensky, the Department of Housing, George W. Bush, Prince Charles, the Axis of Evil,Winnie Madikizela-Mandela, or for any unexpected pregnancies. The writer is not responsible for those who are not responsible. This message may not be copied, forwarded, stolen, hijacked or duplicated by any other means without a bribe being paid to the sender. Failure to comply will lead to your personal details being handed to Al Qaeda, the Scorpions, the third force and the National Association of Tele-marketers. This message has been declared virus-free and fair and was created in Port Elizabeth -- known as a crime-free city (murders are mostly restricted to weekends) in a malaria-free and Currie Cup-free province. No rain forests were damaged, animals harmed or low-cost houses delivered during the compilation or transmission of this message. Have a wonderful day. Save the Earth. It's the only planet with beer." | |
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